WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
