If i come over, it means nothing
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
