You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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