Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(731): View more from Tennessee

can we take a shower together?

(901): View more from Tennessee

no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing

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(708): View more from Illinois

so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.

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(517): View more from Michigan

you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii

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(630): View more from Illinois

He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum

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(303): View more from Colorado

Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?

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(509): View more from Washington

Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...

(860): View more from Connecticut

the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"

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