Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
