it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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