Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
