Where is the hickey?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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