My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
