The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize