It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
