so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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