I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
