I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
