Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
