I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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