She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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