SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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