Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
