Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
