I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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