Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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