I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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