If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
