Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
