Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
