Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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