Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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