You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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