oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
