Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
