my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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