she woke up with a sticky ear
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
