I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I touched a dick in church today
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize