wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize