So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize