If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
