Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
