Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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