I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
where are my eyebrows?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
