New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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