the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
