Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
