If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
