Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
