if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
