john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
