My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
