the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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