Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize