eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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