We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
