last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
