Plan B is the new Plan A
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
