you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
