they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
