also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
