As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
