i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
