you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
