where are you?
Hypothermia
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
