Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize