ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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