It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he just fucked me for my cheese..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize