Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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