Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
