Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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