turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize