So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize