This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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