Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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