I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
