there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
