My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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