It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
